I think an underappreciated thing about alexander scaplehorn (tax inspection guy) in TMA is that he was just too open minded and accepting for an avatar of the stranger to have much of an effect at first. he saw the taxidermied corpse of a man possessed by the concept of uncanny valley and was like “This guy says weird things, won’t make eye contact, and is surrounded by old taxidermied animals? Ohhhh, yeah my cousin is autistic too. It’s really not a big deal, we’ve all got our quirks. :)” Like he would catch himself getting unnerved by the shop and then chastise himself for being judgmental. King.
All y’all out here in the TMA fandom talkin about icons like the guy who froze the key to the buried and that plumber who somehow managed to miss a wholeass murder-clown barn. Talkin about how you’d all like to see just once what would have happened if someone had straight up punched an avatar in the face.
How is no one talkin about my man Alexander Scaplehorn, the absolute legend who went to investigate the Trophy Room for money laundering in ep 54 and escaped by fuckin bodyslamming an avatar of the Stranger straight to the floor and then just fuckin hightailin it outta there. This man is a true badass and it’s a crime he doesn’t get mentioned in this fandom more.
You left out the best part which was that after he barely escaped from Monster Taxidermy Hell with his life, he wrote them a glowing report, because whatever creepy supernatural bullshit they were doing, they weren’t laundering money.
He body-slammed a Stranger Avatar in front ofBreekon & Hope who he also escaped from by just being too nimble for them to grab. Remember this is the same Breekon & Hope with reflexes fast enough to snatch a butterfly out of the air. The combined forces of a Stranger Avatar, whatever the Angler Fish is, and Breekon & Hope were not enough to hold him.
And the best part is. Despite seeing all the taxidermy come alive and barely escaping from 4 Stranger creatures he ends by saying he’s glad he remembered to bring his briefcase of notes with him because otherwise he would have had to go back!
The man was perfectly ready to walk right back in there if that’s what he needed to do to get his report filed. He really said ‘eldritch monsters or not ya’ll are getting your taxes inspected.’
jonathan sims was really the character of all time. he was kidnapped three times. his only friend was his ex-girlfriend. he pretended to be a skeptic while also working as a ghost secretary. he said “good lord” unironically. he was a stalker. he called a merry-go-round “thrilling.” he hung out and listened to soap operas with a woman who kidnapped him and tried to slit his throat. he said mercy-killing another guy that kidnapped him was “like doing a favor for an old friend.” he could almost definitely suck his own dick. he was forcibly moisturized by a clown for a month. he lied about being ten years older than he was for no discernible reason. he wasn’t even mad about the third kidnapping. he thought his coworker was a ghost. he died once. he tried to cut off his own finger. he was even bi
jon and martin’s relationship in the magnus archives is insanely funny to me because fanart and fics and tumblr posts present it as this epic tragic “don’t go where i can’t follow” style love story and it is in a way but this really doesn’t prepare you for tuning in and listening to martin argue like a 50s housewife two degrees of separation away from killing her husband with a man who can call down the power of eldritch horrors that feed on your fear to smite people off the face of the earth and who 4 seasons earlier had the confidence and spite to record himself saying he hoped that parasitic worms devoured martin alive in a universe where that is actually a real thing that can happen
i CANNOT handle a guest for mr spider! jon is just like [listing everything that made him a ‘deeply annoying child’ without pausing] [says “some people deserve to be remembered” about his bully who accidentally saved his life] [constantly implies he deserved both his grandmother’s resentment at having to raise him when he lost his parents and the bullying from someone at least 10 years older than him] “it has made me reconsider my attitude to getting help. I have consistently kept the others at arm’s length, tried to deal with things myself and it… it hasn’t gone well.” and i’m just like… jesus christ
i am absolutely obsessed with oliver banks…. found out an old woman would die horribly and like,, filed a report with her about it……went off the rails by committing highly complex identity fraud….got his own fear domain and gave it paperwork….@everyone who’s horny for elias and his spreadsheets…try here instead….
i dont think we fully appreciate sebastian skinner, who managed to survive nikola because he literally zoned out when she was describing how she was going to strip the skin from his muscles. absolute adhd king.
Anyway, soon enough I’d found the blockage: a big old wad of hardened fat and oil that had congealed at one of the bends, and removed it for them. It wasn’t nearly as big a job as I’d been afraid it might have been, and I talked Megan through my invoicing procedure as we walked back through the workshop floor.
She was silent as I left, and seemed as though she was trying to get over some sort of shock. I guessed that she’d come over a bit queasy when I’d pulled out the blockage, and was embarrassed to admit it. It’s a common enough thing: the sight of the sort of mess that builds up in drainpipes can really get to you if you’re not used to it. Anyway, I decided not to mention anything, just handed her my details, and told her I’d be in touch about payment. Then I hopped back into my van and drove away. Job done.
The Magnus Archives peaked at episode 87.
I can not get over this guy. The “workshop” was filled with dismembered body parts and “Megan” was a very obviously fucked up creature who’s hands were described as “plastic claws covered in raw bacon.” The idea of Nikola’s fucked up mannequin face in shock at the guy who somehow missed the piles of severed heads while writing up an invoice is the greatest thing this podcast ever produced.
pour one out for benoît maçon’s beetle-wife and beetle-children who presumably disappeared with the fears. poor man was living his best life and then lost his entire family :(
