lesbianshepard:
pompey magnus was the funniest bitch in rome we’ve learned about so far
- just fucking decides that he deserves a triumph for killing marius’ supporters despite meeting absolutely none of the requirements.
- bullies the senate into giving him another. ends up with three. still never met the requirements.
- him and crassus deal w/ spartacus’ rebellion. crassus defeats spartacus’ actual army while pompey defeats other supporters. claims all of the glory b/c he makes it back to rome first.
- is actually really successful military-wise but is a huge bastard about it the whole time
- has his friend in the senate essentially give him dictorial power in order to deal with the pirates.
- ends up with command over the mediterranean and 50 miles inland. this is most of the existing empire.
- is surprisingly not that much of a bastard about it.
- just fuckin bullies the senate into letting him be consul despite never holding the previous required offices and being too young
- this is compromised by being co-consul w/ crassus.
- flees to egypt because he’s in a civil war w/ caesar. gets his head chopped off before he even makes it to shore.
