The mandate of the people is clear. We need an indie president.
AND NOT ONE OF THOSE FAUX INDIE ARTISTS
WHOSE PARENTS WERE ALSO IN THE BUSINESS
OR WHO WERE PROPPED UP BY THEIR RECORD LABEL!
The American people demand a president who spent six months in a mental ward after a nervous breakdown, a president who consistently achieves roughly ten thousand views on TikTok but never breaks a million, a president who has exclusively played basement shows - at most, been the opening act at a small, intimate venue!
i love you coffee i love you chai i love you boba i love you fruit juice i love you green tea i love you slushie i love you milkshake i love you lemonade
when i was about 15 i went to the local hobby shop and i bought a little palette of grey body paint and a thing of ben nye setting powder and when i went to the counter, the girl at checkout took one look at my purchase and then gave me the most piercing gaze and stared into my soul and i never went back
this is such a “what were YOU doing at the devil’s sacrament” moment though
one thing about me is that if a friend of mine came to me frantically explaining that they were trapped in a time loop i would believe it no questions asked i’ve been waiting to be the quirky supporting character in a time loop plot my whole life i will do whatever to break that curse up to and including falling in love
