hollis (they/them) currently studying classics and archaeology.

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cryptotheism:

Me: “Hey yeah, so I invited another high school friend over because they wanted to sell me on another pyramid scheme, so I spiked their coffee with like 40 tabs of acid and chased them around the house while singing that I was the devil and that the nightmare would never end.”

Priest giving confessional: “Okay we don’t normally tell people this, but that’s actually a secret way to get into heaven.”

normal-horoscopes:

Instead of an angel and a devil every American has a little Angelino that say shit like “Leave your wife. Start a salsa company. Join a cult.” And a little New Yorker that says stuff like “You shoulda killed that guy and ate his body.”

:

I love insults like landlubber and cityslicker, look at this idiot not used to areas and situations

daughter-of-sapph0:

were–ralph:

were–ralph:

i thought the hide and seek game had changed but it’s actually just a fetish couch (this is real)

imagine sitting on the new sofa your friend bought then you feel a tongue in your ass

saddam hussein

goetic-justice:

Cats never understand that you’re helping them get their claws unstuck from fabric. They’re just like “you’re tormenting me at the worst possible time I hate you”

doubleca5t:

silviacrossdresser:

Published in “Transvestia” magazine #38 (April 1966). I think original art could be by Bob Tupper.

slimetony:

slimetony:

Scientists would get a lot more studies done if they would just get together and agree on doing one very big experiment that answers all the questions we have

Crashing two trucks full of chemicals into eachother at high speeds to figure out if that would cause something crazy to happen

orange-catsidy:

memecucker:

TIL the reason this inconsistently shows up in notes for the same post is bc if you look at the notes from a reblog, replies from ppl blocked by the reblogger don’t show up but if you look at it from someone else like OP they do show up

huh, i wonder why this person has a problem with being blocked. im sure they have really normal ideas about bringing pets inside restaurants

taboovithehomecoming:

oingeaux boingeaux

memorycycle:

if i was captain picard id say computer 50 male silverback gorillas and then leave in an escape pod and turn off my phone