hollis (they/them) currently studying classics and archaeology.
shrugsmagazine-deactivated20220:
shrugsmagazine-deactivated20220:
i’m bored. let’s roast jimmy fallon for no reason
jimmy fallon looks like he thinks partridge in a pear tree is a sex position and regularly goes to target to buy milk duds, nothing else. he looks like he needs an aspirin to do laundry. he looks like he thinks underwear is disposable and spends $140 a month on five packs of tighty whities only to throw them away after a single use.
he looks he tries to high five airport security agents. he looks like he bought a plane ticket to london just to steal a magazine from heathrow and go right back home. he unironically likes going to the dentist. he had a near death experience at toys r us during holiday season, twice. he goes to therapist waiting rooms to make friends.
jimmy fallon was born wearing clothes and his favorite song is a harry potter audio book. he rewrites his will every time he sneezes. he has nightmares about balloons. he brought eight pencils to the SATs and yet somehow managed to lose each one before lunch break. once he got tipsy from an overripe tangerine and then made eye contact with a lizard for 13 minutes and it changed him as a person.
his favorite foods are probably steamed broccoli, microwaved bread, and scented candles. he’s john mulaney if john mulaney failed his driver’s test three times and thought haircuts were painful for the hair. he’s jimmy kimmel if jimmy kimmel ate dog food just to try it and called it his jimmy kibble. he’s the adult who ends up playing a background character for a shitty local high school production of the nutcracker while passing through a small town in nebraska.
jimmy fallon is the kind of guy who spends several weeks debating what kind of ceiling fan to install in his bathroom. he writes 3 star reviews of paperclips on Amazon. he tips taco bell employees with nickels. he probably smells like baby powder and q tips. fuck you jimmy fallon go eat some boneless crackers