i had a dream last night that i found a small koala roaming in my garden in the winter. now, i knew that koalas are probably vicious and stuff b/c they’re wild animals and also from australia but this little guy kept going up to me and rubbing against me?? he was hugging me and shit and i was like “oh my god this is adorable but i need to get to animal control” because a koala can not thrive in new york winter weather and i didnt want this little guy (named jeb) to die.

 so for whatever reason i forgot that phones existed at all. so i decided to go to the nearest animal shelter (which is within walking distance of my house, albeit a very long walk.) so i was trying to find a cat carrier or something to transport this koala in and i kept going up to neighbors and they’re like “wow what a weird cat!” and i was like “look ma’am this isnt a cat it’s a koala” and they were like “it’s probably a scottish fold!” and nobody except me realized it was not a weird cat but a goddamned australian marsupial. so i finally found a cat carrier, which was not plastic but kind of mesh with metal like a weird tent thing??? idk it zippered and it was blue and orange and had the mets logo on it. and the little koala kept unzipping it to climb out and cling to my arm and rub it’s cute little face against me in what is a catlike manner but i knew it was probably going to tear my throat out. 

so i go to the nearest animal shelter and they’re like “okay nice cat you have there” and i was like it’S NOT A CAT IT’S A GODDAMNED KOALA but nobody would believe me and they wanted me to fill out forms to abandon this little guy and they were trying to give him cat food but cats are carnivores and im pretty sure koalas are herbivores but we don’t have any australia plants around here and i was so frustrated and jeb kept crying and it was stressful

so i decided that, being the only person on long island who realized that koalas are not weird cats, i was going to go to the bronx zoo to find a zookeeper and help this baby koala. 

so nobody would let me take the koala with them on any sort of transportation (”we dont allow cats on the bus!”) so instead of getting my mom or something to drive me i decided to walk to the bronx zoo. now, i do live on long island which is close to new york city. except like maybe an hour away by train? or really fast car. it’s like a full days walk by foot and i didnt have a map at all and just decided “i’ll walk until i see the city and wing it from there” 

then i dont remember the details that much but the walk consisted of me trying to find food for a baby koala and ending up feeding him clover flowers and there were egyptian mummies and lighting candles to the god osiris and im not sure how that helped but i finally made it to the bronx zoo and went “look. im not paying to get in but can i see a zookeeper? i found htis guy and  i think he needs his mother” and finally i found a zookeeper and he looked at jeb and i and went “sorry, we dont keep housecats at the zoo”

at which point i screamed so loud in frustration i actually woke myself up in real life

♥ 56 — 8 years ago on 21 Jul 2015