lesbianshepard:

when i went to sunday school as a kid my friend renee and i found a big tub of communion wafers and went hog wild and each had a giant handful. if i go to hell that’s gonna be the #1 reason why: the mortal sin of gluttony with the added sin of it being the stolen body of christ. it was worth it.

god: you cant come into heaven you stole the flesh of jesus and ate it with your friend

me: okay technically it wasnt his flesh because it wasn’t transubstantiatiated yet so it was just a funny tasting wafer. i think you should let me in. 

god: you stole from the church. you weren’t even hungry they gave you ice cream 20 minutes before

me: it was in a pretzel tub. it wasnt my fault. 

♥ 412 — 4 years ago on 28 Nov 2018 — via lesbianshepard
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